Party planning on The Apprentice? What could possibly go wrong?

Having already created kids’ books earlier in the series, the Apprentice candidates revisited their inner child this week when they became party planners. A huge fan of the series and an events planner myself, I thought, what better combination than this?

I will never be so naïve again.

With a budget each of £2,000, the teams had to put on a fabulous birthday party, then persuade the little ones’ doting parents to pay for added extras such as goodie bags and T-shirts. But before the parties had even started, Project Manager and events agency owner Selena made a crucial error in forgetting to take down the client’s contact details.

Yes, I’m serious.

Lord Sugar appointed Gary PM of team Versatile. All ran like clockwork until the mother of the birthday boy explained she had a severe nut allergy. With my expectations decreasing by the minute, I wasn’t surprised when the sub-team bought Nutella for the cake. And things went from bad to as bad as it could possibly get in the world of events planning. David and Joseph made a mortifying attempt to entertain the children on the party bus, then besmirched the designs on the £175 T-shirts. Did they mishear the rules of the task? If you too are confused, it was about generating customer satisfaction, not the worst day possible.

Richard gets bossy

Connexus experienced their own problems when bullish Richard labeled himself top dog in the kitchen. Selena may have called him ‘a breath of fresh air’ but I think more appropriate would have been, ‘arrogant fool who burns burgers’. Littner’s face spoke volumes.

Still, it was ineffectual David who eventually got fired, to nobody’s great upset or surprise. Gary’s team might have started strong, but when the client refused to pay for their shoddy T-shirts, they lost by nearly £300.

So what did we learn from this episode? 1, Nutella contains nuts. Shocking, I know. 2, Don’t leave unless you’re told to. Charleine’s awkward attempt to escape the boardroom reminded us all that trying to sneak off never ends well. 3, The Hokey-Kokey isn’t cool. As David found out the hard way, this is no longer the main jam of pre-teen boys. Most importantly, details matter! Luckily we know that the little things are key to the success of any event. Our birthday parties offer safe, edible food, great music and professional entertainers. And yes, we take our clients’ contact details.

Here’s the problem with this year’s series. None of the candidates possess any outstanding ability, or even make me care much whether they win or lose. I’m keen, and slightly afraid, to see how this will end…